I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
