All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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