At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
