I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
