From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
