Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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