The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
