She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
