she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
