Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
