I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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