what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
