My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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