I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
vagina is talking i cant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
