I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
