i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
