This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
