The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
