I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
