just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
