get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
