yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
