Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
