remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
