just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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