you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
