Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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