We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
God I need to hump something, right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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