Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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