my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
