I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
