I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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