hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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