i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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