Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
