my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
