margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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