the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
