I faked an abortion last night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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