How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
