new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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