Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
