cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this is an emotional support booty call
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
