just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
