My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I won the penis lottery.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
