I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
