I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
