I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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