Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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