Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think my fart just growled at me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
