so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
